


Paradise - The End

by dsa_archivist



Category: due South
Genre: M/M, Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-11-23
Updated: 2005-11-23
Packaged: 2018-11-10 10:13:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11125041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist
Summary: Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived atDue South Archive. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address onDue South Archive collection profile.





	Paradise - The End

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

Paradise - The End

## Paradise - The End

  
by Vscott  


* * *

Both Ray and Ben looked upon the landscape and saw infinite possibilities. This is a good thing. It is always good to keep an open mind and see the unlimited potential of growth, of understanding and of the capacity to love.  
  
The best flight arrangements Ray found, with Margaret's, Francesca's and Renfield's help was one where they fly from Chicago to Vancouver to Whitehorse, changing airlines from United to Air Canada in Vancouver with a three-hour layover in Vancouver. The total amount of time to get from Chicago to Whitehorse would be 10 hours and 30 minutes, leaving at 2:45 p.m. and arriving in Whitehorse at 11:15 p.m. They would have an overnight stay in a hotel and leave on Air North at 8:00 a.m., arriving in Inuvik at 13:35 p.m.  
  
Compared to the other itineraries that came up on travel sites, this one was a breeze. One of them had the three traveling companions going from Chicago to Toronto to Edmonton; a 33-hour delay before heading from Edmonton to Yellowknife, then finally to Univik, for a total duration of 45 hours! Ray, Meg, Frannie and Ren all looked at each other when they read that itinerary and shook their heads and laughed.   
  
Ray grew a bit serious and said, "Ben couldn't do that trip. We've got to find something else." And that's when they came up with a more reasonable trip for someone in Ben's condition. He was improving steadily, yet he still had setbacks when he would be in pain and when he would lash out, particularly if he was startled out of sleep. Ray was worried for Ben to be in public when Ben lost track of where he was and started to fight with whoever was around him. Jackie and Ray talked about it and hadn't come up with a better solution than sedation. Sedating Ben in front of other people would have to be done discreetly.  
  
When Ray returned from the 27th Precinct where the trip had been planned out by the group of four, he found Ben in his chair, typing away on his laptop. He spoke from the doorway so he wouldn't startle Ben and Ben turned and waved Ray to come and look at what he was typing. Ray began to read out loud. "Ray, I only have to look at the scar over your eye to be reminded that I can hurt those around me and not know what I am doing. I want you to cuff my hands in front when we're traveling in the confined spaces of the airplane and you will have limited means to control me and Jackie may not be able to sedate me, in time. I could wear that Poncho you brought back from Mexico to hide the cuffs. You could feed me my meals. I look like the invalid I am, so no one will think anything about it. It would be for the best. Please, agree, Ray".  
  
When Ben typed the last sentence, he trained his hypnotic eyes on Ray's troubled eyes and the look was both pleading and so full of love, Ray felt his knees begin to wobble. He fell backwards into the other chair and moved it closer to Ben, grabbed his hand and brought it up to his lips and just left Ben's hand against his face for a few minutes. Then he said, soothingly, "Of course, Ben, I agree." He let go of Ben's hand and stared into Ben's face. "I think it's a great idea. Jackie and I were talking about the same thing, earlier. You must be psycho."  
  
Ben started to type, "I think you mean `psychic', don't you, Ray, although, I don't think you were wrong about me being psychotic. That is part of the problem, isn't it?"   
  
"Come on, Ben, let me help you with your bathroom duties and get you settled for the night. I have a few things I have to do. We have one more day; then on Monday, at 2:45 p.m., we'll be on our way to Inuvik. We didn't get much of a chance to check out that area when we were on our adventure. Remember? We got to the Beauford Sea just when there was no more snow for us. Good times, eh, Frase?"  
  
Ben smiled and nodded tiredly and let Ray help him get ready for bed. As soon as Ben's head hit the pillow, he was asleep. Ray stared at his form and face for quite a few minutes. Ben looked like he weighed about 160 pounds and the loss of 20 pounds made his face thin and the scars from his beatings stand out more. He looked so very small under the thin hospital blanket. His left arm, which was lying outside the cover, was withered from being in the sling and from lack of muscle movement. Ray stepped around the bed and gently placed it under the covers. He sighed from the very depths of his soul for the loss of the Benton Fraser he used to know - the man who could leap off rooftops in a single bound, run faster than a speeding bullet, hang onto speeding cars and the man who knew everything and could talk and talk and talk about everything and nothing at the same time.  
  
Ray had a lot of phone calls to make.   
  
When Ben woke up on Sunday morning, he noticed Ray was asleep in his bed. Stefano had come in to help Ben grab onto his walker, but was called away on an emergency. He used his good right arm to position his legs near the walker, but dangling about 12 inches from the carpet. He started to slide gradually to the floor, but the sheets were too smooth and his feet hit the ground too abruptly, causing him to fall sideways, taking the walker down with him. Ray was instantly awake and jumped out of bed to help Ben get to his feet and holding onto his walker. "What the fuck are you doing, Frase!"  
  
"So...rry....R...  
  
"Couldn't you have waked me up? Are you hurt? You hit your head, again, didn't you? I see a bump on your forehead. How stupid can you be?"  
  
Ben knew he couldn't get Ray to listen to him since he couldn't get the words out he needed to say, so he just hung his head and waited for Ray to run out of steam. He lifted his right hand to his forehead and felt the bump to which Ray referred. It didn't seem very serious. Just a bump. In a flash of understanding, a "gut feeling", as Ray might say, he knew that Ray could no longer continue to see him hurt, no matter how minor. He knew by being too eager to be independent, he had hurt Ray more than he had hurt himself. He blushed with shame.  
  
Ray pushed Ben's head up with his fingers and silently, they stared into each other's eyes. Ben could see Ray searching for the cause of his reddened face and Ben was looking to see if Ray was still very angry with him. Both men appeared to each other to have regained their equilibrium, so Ben labored to speak, "Shamed, Ray, for hu...r...ti...ng...you. Sad."  
  
"No, Ben, you were only trying to help yourself. I understand. I do. You're right. It hurt me to see you hurt, again. I shouldn't have gotten angry. I lost it, Ben. I'm sorry, too."  
  
The rest of the morning and afternoon was full of the routine of the past weeks, except at 5:30 p.m., Ray helped Ben get dressed in his red dress uniform and told him Inspector Thatcher wanted to meet him for his formal removal from the RCMP. "I'm going to push you in your wheelchair `cause we're going to take the laptop in case you have to type something and here's an extra battery in case you get long-winded, as usual." Ben and Ray laughed.  
  
Stefano and Nurse Evans were out in the hallway when they emerged and led the way to the employees' cafeteria. Ben turned in the wheelchair and looked questioningly at Ray, but Ray was staring straight ahead and didn't acknowledge him. Stefano opened one of the double doors and Nurse Evans opened the other and Ray pushed Ben through. A loud roar of applause and cheering greeted Ben, coming from a crowd of people that included most of the people from the 27th Precinct, the Canadian Consulate and some familiar faces from his old apartment building on 321 West Racine.  
  
Ray pushed the wheelchair close to a table and set the laptop down, opened it up and turned it on. "Okay, everybody, you don't want to deafen the poor guy," Ray said as he used the traditional "keep the noise down" gesture of two hands pushing down. Soon, the room grew quieter. Ben started to type and occasionally, he would look up at Ray, and Ray knew he was supposed to start reading. "Thank you. I know none of you believe it, but I can't find many words to say," Ben had written. Laughter erupted and Ray patted Ben on the back. Ben started typing, again. Ray got the idea to read as Ben typed. "I am equally grateful to everyone in this room for one reason or another over the years I have spent in Chicago. I'll never forget the help my friends at West Racine gave me when I first came to the city. My time at the consulate was not always pleasant, but I made some very good friends." Ben looked at Meg and Ren when Ray read those words.  
  
"I want to particularly thank Ray and all of those at the 27th Precinct who responded so quickly when my life was in danger. I understand that you knew, at the time, that I am gay; yet, contrary to popular belief that all police officers are homophobic, there was no hesitation to come to my aid. I hope that you will think of me, if similar situations arise, later, that don't involve a homosexual that you know.  
  
It is time to say farewell. I hope we will all meet, again, someday; either in Chicago or if you ever find yourself headed due north, in Inuvik."  
  
Everyone applauded and there were many handkerchiefs waving around in front of peoples' faces.  
  
Ray left Ben's side to take a package from Meg. "We'll open this gift, later, Ben. A bunch more people wanted to give you something, but I convinced them that it would be better if we travel light and that them being here, tonight, was good enough, huh, Ben?" Ben nodded in agreement.  
  
After a few refreshments, Ray pushed Ben back to their room and they both settled for the last time in the chairs that looked upon the trees and gardens outside the hospital window. There was a full moon which cast the fallen snow with a grey light. Without taking his eyes off the view, Ben reached for Ray's hand, clasping it as tightly as he could with his injured arm.  
  
In the morning, there was a lot of hustle and bustle, getting the final packing done. "Oh, yeh, Ben, open the package Meg gave you." Ben did as he was asked. Inside the box was a poncho, but not the one Ray brought back from an unsuccessful romantic junket to Mexico, but one made out of Ben's dress blue pea coat. "You'll be less conspicuous in this poncho, I think. I also bought you a present. These will be more comfortable than police-issue cuffs." Ray showed Ben a pair of black, fur-lined cuffs; the kind used in bondage. The poncho still had two pockets from when it was a coat and Ray placed the cuffs in the most accessible pocket.  
  
The sacred Stetson was still sitting on a corner table where Ray had put it when Lieutenant Welsh had presented to him. Ray started to pick it up. "No...Ray...sad...to...look...at...it, now." Ray stared at the hat for a long moment, seeing the past flash by rapidly and fade away just as fast. He took one last look at the Stetson and walked away.  
  
Ben's answer to the problem of his violent outbursts proved helpful during their journey to Inuvik. On the Air North plane from Whitehorse, Ben had fallen asleep and had started to try to get up and get away from something or someone, but without the use of his legs or his hands, he was unable to do so. Jackie was able to sedate him before anyone noticed there was a problem.  
  
Ben's seat was next to the window. Ray asked Jackie to change seats with him now that Ben was under control and leaned over Ben's sleeping figure to look out over the snowy landscape below. The full moon beaming illuminated some of the features of the land in the darkness. It was November 29, 2004, and the sun would not rise for another 78 days. The pilot had announced they were flying over North Fork Pass with an elevation of 4,229 feet, the first crossing of the Continental Divide. (The pilot had actually said 1,289 meters, but Jackie was kind enough to inform Ray what that was in feet when he said that didn't sound that high.) Two hundred miles later, the plane was flying over the Arctic Circle.  
  
Memories of Ben's and his adventure flowed over him like the icy stream he had once fallen into and from which Ben had immediately pulled him. In fact, the fall into the stream took place just a little north of the Arctic Circle, at Rock River Campground. The best part, which he didn't fully appreciate at the time, was when Ben took off all of Ray's clothes and his own, too, climbed into their zipped-together sleeping bags in their tent and did his best to warm Ray up with body heat. Ray tried to remember if there was any hint, at the time that Ben was in love with him. Maybe Ben hadn't loved him, at that time, because Ray couldn't think of a single inappropriate thing that Ben did.   
  
Ray started feeling a little angry at Ben for NOT telling him IF he had been in love with him back then. He now suspected the answer to why Ben came back to Chicago with him, though, instead of staying in Canada where he truly belonged.  
  
Only a few miles beyond the Arctic Circle, they crossed the border of the Yukon Territory and the Northwest Territories. Ray had always known the difference between the two; that it was never Yukon Territories or the Northwest Territory, but it was such fun to tease Ben when he got into his prissy precise mood.  
  
Ben was starting to stir and his eyes opened. He looked disoriented a little, but in his "right mind". "Hey, Ben, you were getting a little out of control, so Jackie helped you out," Ray whispered, softly. Ben glanced at him and then out of the plane window, just in time to see the magnificent sight of the twilight sky reflected in the ice on the frozen Mackenzie River. "Ray, we....almos...almost...home." It was a statement of fact.   
  
Ray reached under the navy blue poncho, found Ben's bound hands and put his own over the top and squeezed as hard as he could. "Wherever, you are, Ben, that will be home to me." Jackie blushed a little and cleared her throat to remind the two men that she was still there. Both men looked at her with sheepish grins. "Sorry."  
  
The next thing they realized was the seat belt sign was lit up and the pilot was preparing to land the plane at Inuvik. Ray quickly freed Ben's hands. Maggie and Buck were going to meet them at the airport with another surprise for Ben - all of the people he had bid farewell to and Ray had put money together to buy a specially-outfitted van that would allow a wheelchair to be pushed up a ramp at the back and be secured within. Ray was worried, though, that Ben would interpret their efforts to mean they had little hope of Ben recovering full use of his legs. The four-wheel drive vehicle was going to be useful, anyway, and Ray hoped Ben would understand that, right away.  
  
As the three exited the plane, Maggie and Buck were just outside the exit with a new wheelchair for Ben and Ray and Jackie settled him into it as best they could while Buck patted Ben on the back and Maggie hugged him. They all realized simultaneously they were stopping the rest of the passengers from deplaning and began to move down the lighted passageway.   
  
Ben was uncomfortable from the long flight. His deeper stab wounds still had not healed completely, he would have sudden stabs of pain in the back of his head and he was starting to feel, again, that Ray was throwing his life away on taking care of him. He knew that Ray had grown to be very fond of him and the look in his eyes, sometimes, appeared to be love; yet, he couldn't help but wonder how much was guilt and pity.  
  
His thoughts had distracted him long enough that he suddenly realized he was being wheeled up a ramp and into a new-smelling van. Ray and Jackie were strapping the wheelchair in with him in it. Ray climbed into the driver's seat, Maggie was in the passenger seat and Buck and Jackie were chatting away in the seat just in front of him.  
  
Ben felt not only physically isolated, but mentally and spiritually solitary, as well. His injured brain prevented him from forming sentences without a lot of stammering and oh, so slowly, it made him impatient to listen to himself. He was very pleased that, somehow, his brain had retained the ability to send words through his hands and onto the laptop, with the ironic twist that he couldn't read what he had typed. He wanted to burst out laughing at that. Listening to the free exchange of many sentences punctuated with laughter amongst his companions and being unable to join was almost torture.   
  
Once again, his thoughts kept him from observing his surroundings and he was surprised when the van stopped and Ray was coming around to back him down the ramp. "Hey, Ben, are you alright?"   
  
"Tired, Ray".  
  
"Well, look where we are. This is our new home." Ray spread his arms wide, indicating a middle-sized blue house. There was a wheelchair ramp leading up to the double front door through which they had no trouble going. Ben could tell, right away, the house had been originally designed for someone in a wheelchair. All of the doorways that he could see to each of the rooms were large enough to roll through. Ray parked Ben in the middle of a very comfortably furnished living room and helped him get settled in a soft red armchair with a matching ottoman. Ray lifted his legs on it, covered him with a Hudson Bay blanket and went back out to help Buck and the women with the luggage.  
  
Ben drifted into a nightmare, right away, as if it had just been waiting for him to close his eyes. He was surrounded by men with burning hate in their eyes who were crowding around him. He couldn't breathe. He began to fight them off as best he could, but there were too many. He felt a hand on his right shoulder and he blindly struck out at anything close to him. "Ben, come on, Ben, wake up," Ray was saying as he placed a hand on Ben's shoulder. Ben's fist flew out from under the blanket and caught Ray right in the throat, gagging him, so he started coughing. Ray moved away from Ben and watched helplessly as Ben struggled against his invisible attackers.   
  
Maggie, and Buck were just behind him in the living room with Jackie behind them with medicine bag in hand, reaching into it as she stepped forward. Ben was fighting so hard, it was impossible for her to approach him. Ray and Buck stepped to either side of Ben and restrained his thrashing arms while Jackie administered yet another sedative.   
  
Ray and Buck placed Ben's limp body in the wheelchair and wheeled him to their bedroom on the ground floor. Ray, Buck, Maggie and Jackie all looked at each other with the same look upon their faces - sadness bordering on despair for the Benton Fraser they used to know. Maggie had a hospital bed put in for Ben; a very comfortable one that could be raised and lowered, at the head and feet. It also had hand rails and Ray discreetly removed the cuffs from Ben's poncho pocket and secured Ben's hands to the rails. Ray would see about making him more comfortable, a little later.  
  
This is not what Ray had pictured for their first night in their new home. He stood for a few minutes, staring at Ben in a drugged sleep and it sickened him. There must be another way to deal with the nightmares Ben has that makes him want to strike out at those who are around him. He decided, then and there, he would rather be hit by Ben than to continue to treat him this way.   
  
Ray wanted to stay and watch over Ben, but he knew he had to go back out in the living room. Jackie, Maggie and Buck were spending the night as it was too late for them to go back to their homes and the three of them wanted to make sure Ray knew everything he needed to know about the home and the places Ray would need to go.  
  
Maggie could tell Ray was upset and decided to talk about that, first. "Ray, what's wrong?"  
  
"How can you ask me what's wrong", Ray shot back, not intending to sound so upset. "Sorry, Maggie. I just can't go along with the way we are handling Ben's nightmares, any more. I can't stand to see him drugged and cuffed to the bed. I would rather he hit me ten times than to see him like that, again. Yeh, he knocked me down in the hospital because I wasn't ready for him. I'm ready, now."  
  
Ray looked at his watch and saw it was getting late. He helped his guests get settled in the extra rooms. It seems as though the previous owners had a lot of friends who spent the night. Besides the giant master bedroom, downstairs, there was another smaller room downstairs and two more bedrooms, upstairs. The master bedroom had its own large bathroom and each of the other rooms had their own bathrooms, although much smaller. He made sure everyone understood that the groceries they had bought, today, were just as much theirs as Ben's and his, in case they got hungry. They hadn't spent much time on taking care of those things with all the excitement.  
  
When Ray had eaten a sandwich and drank some milk, he took a shower, put on fresh pajamas and tested out the king-size bed that was also in the bedroom along with Ben's hospital bed. Ray made up his mind to get rid of that now despised object as soon as possible. He freed Ben's hands, dropped the side rail and hoisted Ben up over his shoulder. It was only a few feet to the bed and Ben wasn't as heavy as he should have been.  
  
Ray began to remove Ben's street clothes to replace them with warm pajamas. He first removed Ben's flannel shirt and t-shirt, baring Ben's chest. He had only briefly seen Ben without his hospital clothes on when he helped Stefano move Ben into the shower at the hospital. Tears sprang to his eyes, yet, again, when he took in the numerous scars from the stab wounds on Ben's thin chest. Imagining the knife going in at each of those locations, made Ray feel very sick. To satisfy an almost morbid curiosity, Ray gently turned Ben on his stomach to view his back and if the three men who did this to Ben had been in the room with him, he would have killed them with his bare hands. Anger in the center of his solar plexus flared up and combined with the nausea he felt, Ray's body began to shake.  
  
To find some outlet for the emotions that were overwhelming him, he turned Ben back on his back and wiggled his arms underneath him, to take him into a tight embrace, more for Ray's comfort than Ben's since he was still in a drugged sleep. "Oh, Ben, "was all he could say, over and over.  
  
After a few minutes, Ray shook off his emotions and, once again, became the efficient caregiver. Ray was able to find Ben's red long johns and he put those on him, hoping Ben wouldn't associate them with the RCMP like he did his Stetson.  
  
He settled Ben under the luxurious sheets and comforters before climbing in on Ben's right side. Ray felt he could control any attempts Ben made to hit him. If he had to, he could just lay on Ben's arm. He laughed a little bit. He felt a little better now that he had a clear vision of how he was going to handle Ben that didn't involve drugs and restraints. Ray realized, sadly, that Ben was trying to fight off his assailants many weeks later when he was actually unable to struggle against them at the time. The blow to the back of his head and the punch to the temple had left Ben helpless and ineffectual in his attempts to defend himself. Deep down, Ben must be trying to change the outcome of events he had had absolutely no control over.  
  
Ray woke up at around 7:00 a.m. He got up and opened the heavily insulated curtains and looked out on the same twilight they had driven through last night. There wasn't any fresh snow. He remembered that Ben and he would do everything as they normally would when the sun didn't rise during part of their adventure to find the hand of Franklin. He was used to the experience of long months without "day" and months without "night". The Arctic silence was a big change from the constant noise of the Chicago streets. Ray saw deep into his own soul and knew he was ready for the life Ben and he would share in this place of intense beauty and equally intense peace. It was a lot like what he imagined paradise would be like.  
  
He moved two overstuffed brown chairs to face out the large window just like the chairs at the hospital had faced out. There were a couple of small tables that would be just right for them to have their breakfasts, here, while they gazed upon the changing Arctic scenery. Ray heard some waking sounds from Ben and went over to kneel beside him. He kept Ben's hands restrained by the use of his arms around him instead of the now-hated cuffs. Ben woke up in Ray's arms. He leaned back so he could look into Ray's face. "Go...good, mor...ni..ng, Ray. I need...to...be...able...breathe, okay?"  
  
Ray quickly moved away and looked at Ben shyly. "Sure enough, buddy. Here's your wheelchair. Why don't you go into the bathroom and do what you can and I'll be in to help you in a few, kay?"  
  
The double-bed was not as high as the hospital bed and Ben was able to lower himself into the wheelchair without any of the trouble he had had trying to accomplish grabbing onto his walker, before. That minor accomplishment meant a lot to Ben and he grinned to himself. The fact that the house had been used by someone in a wheelchair was going to make day-to-day living so much easier for both Ray and him. There was sit-down tub and safety rails for him to use to pull himself into it. When Ray came in, he immediately noticed that Ben wasn't going to need his help. "I'm going to get breakfast started for everyone. Do you want to come out and eat or do you want to eat in here?"  
  
"I'll...come...kitchen."  
  
"Okay, Press this button, here, on this intercom, if you need anything, okay?" Ben nodded and looked pleased. He hadn't noticed the intercom system, last night.  
  
Ben, at last, had finished his bathroom activities and decided to use his walker to go into the kitchen. He had not let on to Ray or Stefano that using the walker was painful for him, but so was sitting in the wheelchair. The site of the bullet wound from years ago had started to ache without letup. The pain was a constant reminder of how he had almost betrayed his best friend, Ray Vecchio, and how he had almost lost Ray.   
  
Ben was in the hallway leading to the kitchen when there was a knock on the door. Ray came squeezing by him and opened the door. Something white flew through the door as if propelled by rocket fuel and launched itself on Ben, who had turned to see who was at the door. Ben was knocked flat on his back and was being held down by 80 pounds of happy half-wolf. "Dief, no, no, no," Ray shouted.   
  
"It...okay...Ray", Ben managed to say from under Dief, breathlessly. It wasn't okay. He just wanted Ray to stop shouting. He clutched at Dief, partly out of a need to be holding to keep from screaming and to let Dief know he missed him, too, but something was very wrong; the ache he had been thinking about earlier was now a sharp, unbearable pain. "Ray...Ray...Ray...Ray." Ben couldn't make himself heard over the cacophony of human voices and Dief's delighted barking.  
  
Ben just had to wait for all of the chaos to die down. Soon, Ray was approaching him, after moving the tipped-over walker out of the way, and reaching to pull him up. "No...Ray...amb...amb." He couldn't get the rest of the syllables out. Ray was pulling on him with his hands under Ben's armpits. "No."   
  
"What, Ben?"   
  
"Hurt...Ray...doctor," Ben got out between clenched jaws.  
  
"Maggie, call 9-1-1. Ben's hurt. What it is, Ben?"  
  
"Back...my...back," Ben managed to say before he passed out.  
  
Ray had instructed Jackie to go to her uncle's and Maggie and Buck to go home. He said he was very good at waiting at hospitals because he had had the most practice. Ben was immediately taken into surgery when the doctors had determined the bullet was now pressing against the spine and they had no choice. They had to remove it. Ray was warned that Ben might be able to regain full use of his legs, be completely paralyzed or lose his life.   
  
Ray had been there, done that. He climbed deep into himself and allowed his feelings to become numb. He didn't want to feel anything ever again. Particularly, not the love he felt for Ben. It was killing him. He didn't understand why Ben had been singled out for so much heartache, loss and pain in his life - both parents murdered, Ben was shot by his best friend while losing his first love, torture at the hands of homophobes and now this. It was too much.   
  
Ray had become so lost in his dark thoughts, he lost track of his surroundings. He didn't notice the woman in the green coat, standing in front of him, trying to get his attention. "Mr. Kowalski, Mr. Kowalski..."  
  
"Uh, yeh? Uh, sorry, doc."  
  
Mr. Fraser is out of surgery. We removed the bullet. We won't be able do any tests, yet, until Mr. Fraser is awake. He will sleep for a long time. He has to come out of the anesthetic and, then we will be giving him strong painkillers. I recommend you go home and come back, tomorrow, in the evening to see your, uh, friend."  
  
"Can I see my uhfriend, before I go, Doctor Andrews? Just a quick look to see for myself that he's still alive?"  
  
"Certainly, Mr. Kowalski".  
  
Ray had to call up Maggie, even though it was very, very late, to tell her that Ben was still alive and to ask her how to get back to his new home. He hadn't been paying any attention to landmarks on the way to the hospital. Maggie said she would call Buck and Jackie and for Ray to try to get a good night's sleep and to eat something. They would meet him at the hospital tomorrow night.  
  
When Ray entered the empty house, he looked for Dief and then remembered Maggie said she would take care of him until Ben was home, again. He wandered aimlessly around the beautiful home until he decided he needed to eat something, not just because Maggie told him to, but because he still needed to keep himself on an even keel for Ben. Ray realized, when he finally climbed into the very large and very empty bed, he really wasn't going to be able to do this anymore. He couldn't keep feeling what he was feeling for Ben. He was glad his bags were still packed. When morning came, Ray was still awake. He got ready and called a taxi to take him to the airport.  
  
While Ray was in the air, flying back to Chicago, Maggie got a call from the hospital. Dr. Andrews said Ben had died without ever coming out of the anesthesia.   
  
"Dad, this is a refreshing change - spring in the afterlife." Benton was sitting on the same rock they had sat on before, but instead of a snowy landscape, Fraser Senior and son took in the treasured sight of thousands upon thousands of wildflowers that had sprung up from the reddish earth. Dief's father was gamboling in the carpet of color, chasing after butterflies. "I was starting to think Ray would never let me go. I was never going to be able to pay him back for everything he gave me before I died."   
  
"You still think he did all he did out of guilt and pity, son? I think he truly loved you. He loved you more than that silly woman that got you shot in the first place. I never did see what you saw in her, Benton."  
  
"Dad, isn't that the Group of Seven...I mean, Five", over there, painting in the meadow? I think they are waving for you to come join them."  
  
"I believe you're right. It's the Group of Six. Do you mind, son?"  
  
"I meant there are five without you, Dad. No, no, I don't mind. Please, please, go ahead." Ben was left alone with his thoughts and perhaps he might be able to follow them from beginning to end if he didn't have his father talking in his ear. His father was right, though. Ray did love him, he knew that, now. There was nothing left of guilt or pity when Ray decided he had to leave Ben behind; it was love. Ben didn't think Ray was conscious of Ben "listening" into Ray's thoughts; the desired end was achieved, anyway. Ben could finally let go of a world that had been filled with so much sorrow and hurt for him.   
  
Time has no meaning in the afterlife. Ben knew he would not be conscious of how many minutes, hours, days, months or years passed before he would see Ray striding loose-limbed toward him. 

  
 

* * *

End Paradise - The End by Vscott 

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